Internet Shopping

Internet shopping is so easy and convenient, right?

Sitting in my PJ’s on the couch, dirty hair in a messy bun, laptop on lap-top, sipping my coffee and browsing my favorite online shops. Meanwhile, the kids, also still in PJ’s, climb on the furniture and on me, playing as loud as they please, no terse-looking sales people glaring at them or assuming by the looks of all of us that I can’t afford anything they have to sell anyway. One click of the button, and I’ve purchased possibly several hundred dollars of fabulous clothing.

Cue the waiting.

Depending on the shipping I’ve chosen, the wait could be days to weeks. And let’s face it, I chose the cheap shipping, so it’s gonna be weeks. I fantasize daily about how wonderful all of the amazing outfits I purchased are going to look on me. I mean, they looked great on the model, right? And I’m probably only a couple, okay a few, sizes bigger than her. And, if we were the same size, my hips would be exactly the same as hers, and our busts would be identical, right? There’s no way I’m not going to love these purchases. And the dress is coming just in time for my husband’s work event. I am going to look stunning.

The box is here! The box is here!

The day has finally arrived, and the box looks like the shipping company possibly used it as the ball in their annual company basketball tournament. But I don’t care; I rip into the box with the glee of a five year old on Christmas! Grasping the oh-so-personally packed plastic sleeves, I tear into the bags, sending silica gel packets bursting forth across my bedroom like confetti. I pull out the first shirt and lay the wrinkled heap on my counter. Spreading it out, I’m sure I can breathe new life back into it with the CPR of a quick ironing (everyone’s favorite past time). That’s when I realize that it’s not quite the same color it looked on my computer screen. I grab the pants that it was going to match perfectly and realize that it is actually quite an imperfect match. So imperfect, in fact, that some might say it clashed like cats clash with dogs.

I take a moment to collect myself.

It’s okay. I’ll buy a different pair of pants to wear with it. And I’ll buy a different shirt for that pair of pants hanging in my closet. After all, I’m made of money.

And I still have the dress. The beautiful, fabulous, jaw dropping, drool inducing dress…that looks terrible on me. As I stand in the mirror lifting up the drooping skirt and trying to straighten the awkward bodice, I wonder if this is the same dress that the model in the picture had even been wearing. Did they switch Cinderella’s ball gown for Cinderella’s soot-sweeping dress? Only one thing is for sure; the clock had struck midnight on this ensemble. And my husband’s work event was. To. Night.

Ye Olde Brick-and-Mortar Store

So I dress the children, dress myself, re-dress the only-happy-when-he’s-naked three year-old, and load everyone into the car to do a quick-as-I-can shopping trip to ye olde brick and mortar store. I try on sixteen last minute dresses, all of which have “meh” written all over them, select the only one that will match the shoes I picked out weeks ago (because I’m going to wear something I wanted to wear tonight, darn it), and return home with just enough time to swipe on a little make-up and give the baby-sitter directions.

I probably looked better in the PJ’s I lounged in when I performed my ill-fated online shopping excursion.

To Return or Not to Return?

The next day, I read the return instructions, so flippantly cast aside in my earlier self-indulgent excitement. Must return in original packaging… 20% restocking fee… print out packing label… can only be returned on a harvest moon when the crow caws three times at midnight…. Okay, so that last part may not have been in there, but it may as well have. I give the dress to a friend, and buy matching pieces for the ill-fated shirt and pants set.

But, internet shopping is so easy and convenient, right….? Right?

*Sigh* I should have come to Crowned by Grace Boutique to begin with, where the girls would have helped me find the perfect outfits…. (Come on guys, you know I had to put a shameless plug in here somewhere! ;p)

 

What fun (or-not-so fun) experiences have you had with on-line shopping?

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